In this newsletter:
- Date for your diary
- General information and notices
- Membership renewal reminder
- Group news
- Other information
- This month's short story
Date for your diary
Next Monthly Meeting – Thursday 15th May, 2 pm Hayling Island Community Centre – Solent Tsunamis by Steve Russell. Steve is a professional engineer, a Portsmouth lifeboat crewman and a lifelong mariner who has experienced 2 tsunamis. More details here.
General information and notices
Oxford visit replaced - Due to the lack of interest we have decided to replace this visit with a Gosport Ferry cruise to the Hamble. Details will be posted on the Visits page of the web site soon. If there is somewhere you would recommend for our future visits, please do let Richard North know.
Hayling Community Fair held on the 4th April - We had a stand at the Community Fair which was well attended. New members signed up and we sold several of our books.
Mike Silvester – We are sad to announce the death of Mike Silvester. He was the group leader of the philosophy group for many years, and he served on the committee from 2014-2021.
Volunteers required – For Tea and coffee monitors at our monthly meetings.
Unrecognised membership renewal - £15 membership was hand delivered to our membership secretary in an envelope marked ‘Jan’. If you recognise this, please can you contact Peter Haskell giving him your full name, so he can enter it onto our database as paid and issue your renewal card.
Group coordinator – Our current coordinator wishes to stand down from her post, so we are looking for someone to take over. Much of the role requires the candidate to access our website to set up new groups etc. Please let me know if you feel that role would suit you.
Membership renewal reminder
Your membership became due for renewal on April 1st. If you have renewed already, thank you. As last year, the fee is £15 for full members and £10 for associate members.
Ways to renew:
- Online via the front page of the Hayling u3a web site (you might need to scroll down when using devices with narrow screens) - or use this link to go direct to the renewal page. Follow the simple instructions you find there. You can pay online by bank transfer or card. You can make a single payment covering two members if that's appropriate.
- In person at a monthly meeting by card, cash or cheque.
- By post. Sent a cheque payable to 'Hayling Island u3a' or cash, with member name and SAE to:
The Membership Secretary
c/o 18 St Mary's Road
Hayling Island
PO11 9BY
Online or in-person renewals save the treasurer and membership secretary time. Your early attention is always appreciated.
Group news
World history and archaeology - This new group has been very successful, and we have had some interesting talks - including "What have the Greeks ever done for us?’, Genghis Khan and the Mongols, Tibet, and the Dalai Lama, plus the French Revolution.
Talks planned later this year include Napoleon, Shaka Zulu, former King of the Zulu people, and the Zulus direct and indirect involvement in the Boar War.
We meet on the first Thursday in the month, 2pm to 4pm, and are keeping this group to 10 people maximum as we meet in each other’s homes, but currently, we have one spare place if anyone would like to join us.
Norma Downs
Science and technology - Our last meeting about “Why air crashes make air travel safer” by Dr Rod Wing was well received. His presentation started off by examining why the first commercial passenger aircraft, the Comet, cashed. It was of metal fatigue at the corners of the oblong windows. With the temperature and pressure cycling of the aluminium alloy body as the aircraft flew from ground level to 30,000 feet this created 1 micron stress lines in the metal. After 10,000 cycles of this the metal failed and the fuselage split open. No one had foreseen this happening and the laboratory equipment to test for such an event was woefully inadequate. To overcome this, electron scanning microscopes were brought in to enable material scientists to study this type of phenomenon plus the aircrafts oblong windows were changed to oval ones and that is the case today.
Some years later a similar problem was found in the engines, where fatigue fractures at the root of the fan blades caused the blades to break off and completely destroy the engine. Again, improved material science came to the rescue and new methods of manufacturing the blades came into being.
Whatever an individual designs, builds and uses can have inherent faults lurking in the materials, which may not fail for years and years without impacting human lives.
Next month’s meeting on Wednesday 28th May at 2pm at St Patrick’s church hall, is all about Artificial Intelligence given by an outside speaker so a good turnout would be appreciated.
Robert Hornby
Current affairs - The group now has ten members. We aim to discuss two topics of the day at every monthly meeting. Over the last 12 months, these have included Rwanda, the British and American elections, Ukraine, Starmer's freebies and Trump's tariffs. We usually find areas to disagree about but manage to explore these while preserving mutual respect.
More than once, topics suggested a week in advance have been forced out of contention by dramatic developments in the news cycle. We regularly recall the adages that "a week is a long time in politics" (attributed to Harold Wilson) and that what typically blows governments off course are "Events, dear boy, events" (Harold Macmillan).
Richard North
Walking - The walking group continues to offer a monthly 3 to 6 mile walk in addition to a monthly 6 to 10-mile walk, and most of these walks attract 6 to 12 people. We aim to start walking at 10am and take the opportunity to lunch together afterwards in a pub or café – or occasionally in summer, a picnic.
The photo is from the recent walk at the Devils Punchbowl.
Richard North
Croquet - The croquet group is split, and meets on two separate days. The reason for this is that a person's turn could involve in their hitting several balls, and on chillier days the other members would be standing around in the cold, so the numbers are restricted to 6 players in each session.
We have spent the winter indoors, playing Rummmikub and Mexican trains, and have just started playing Croquet. We have gelled into very companionable groups. The actual games are mostly very friendly, but occasionally they can become quite competitive. At the end of each season, we bring the 2 groups together and play the final match. The winner is awarded a trophy which they keep for a year.
Sue Blagden
Other information
For the enthusiastic amateur who might like some help in identifying the local birds, the Merlin app is free of charge and is linked to the Cornell Lab of Ornithology at the Cornell University.
Free trial sessions for Hayling Island u3a members - Hayling Island Bowls Club cordially invites members of Hayling Island u3a to two free trial sessions of lawn bowls. We can accommodate up to four people at each trial with day and time to be agreed with applicants.
Each session will last 1 - 2 hours depending on players:
- Session 1 will be a basic introduction and practice
- Session 2 will be a competitive pairs game
Bowls is not a particularly energetic, or fast, game but players will need to be reasonably mobile and flexible. E.g. able to use steps to the green and bend slightly at the waist and knees. Flat shoes (e.g. trainers) must be worn and open toed shoes or sandals are not permitted for safety sake. Bowls will be provided.
If you are interested, please contact Trevor Brash.
u3a essay writing competition - The new u3a Essay Writing Competition has launched and it's an activity for all sorts of interest groups to get involved with - from Science to English; History to debating and beyond. u3a members are invited to research, write and submit an essay of up to 1000 words that can 'make the case for a person, policy, invention or idea having a positive impact on society'. More details here.
Reminder of South East u3a’s summer school -1st to 4th September 2025 University of Chichester- u3a summer schools are organised by individual regions and nations, giving you the opportunity to spend a couple of days getting to know other members, learning new things and exploring topics your u3a might not usually offer. If you are interested further details can be found here.
Holiday to Chatham Kent - Last year Bill Biggs organised a successful group holiday to Cornwall. This year Bill is planning a holiday to the Kent, the Garden of England in September 2025. Staying in Bridgewood Manor Hotel in Chatham, the plan is to visit: Chartwell, Faversham, Chatham Dockyard, East Sussex Railway and Canterbury. The cost of 2 sharing will be £707 for NT members and £727 for non NT members. Further details contact Bill Biggs 023 9246 8789.
HICCA spring fair fundraiser - The community centre will be running a fundraising event on the Spring Bank Holiday weekend May 2025. They will be needing volunteers to help run stalls, sell programmes etc. As a user of the community centre it is in our interest to help keep it financially viable. If you are interested in helping then please let me know so that I can start building a potential team of volunteers.
This month's short story
The Search
It was a Wednesday in mid-June 1992, quite warm, causing hay fever sufferers to look red eyed and sniffly. The train seemed to reflect the day, sticky and oppressive. On the Guildford to Reading line British Rail vehicles seem the same as thirty years ago, slow, dreary, yet somehow familiar. It was the first time I had changed trains at Guildford. The thought flashed through my mind that the last time I had been at this station was when I was collected as a mere infant of two months.
I shuffled into a carriage to Reading. My eyes darted around me, I needed to be distracted. A loud Walkman, Lippy football supporters, joking youngsters, any diversion would do. The contrary was true. Instead, I was surrounded by dull business-men, and women who looked earnest and self-sufficient. My thoughts shifted to my own teenage son who would just be turning the page of another set of GCSE questions on Chemistry. Why were examinations set when he had hay fever?
Why do I worry more for him than he does? He has ability, confidence and will do well. But this day had the hallmark of a red-letter day. I was going to meet my biological mother. How could I reduce the importance of this day? I could not. My natural mother had given birth to me at the age of nearly thirty. She was married but I was not a product of that union. She had chosen to foster me to a friend of a friend, whom she eventually agreed could adopt me when I was about five years of age.
I have, throughout my childhood years, posed questions and been given various answers. They do not gel comfortably with the alternative mother version. It is hard and extremely painful being the piggy in the middle. It has taken me nearly half a century to take this step. I may have thought, subconsciously, that my blood mother would be dead. I really want to know so much about my father. The father is seldom mentioned in such searching. To have a name, a photo, a description would be special. It would be something. So much is considered for the feelings and hurt to both adopted and biological parents. As an adopted child I knew loyalty to those who brought me up was considered paramount. And furthermore, any mother who gave away a child was essentially wicked. How could anyone do it? An extreme but simplistic attitude by folk unable to produce their own.
My chosen home and family were a very Christian one. I went to Church and Sunday School three times every Sunday, but that Christian charity did not extend to my biological mother. I was their child; and my genetics would play no part in my future. I would become like them and be in their mould.
Now I was sitting in a train to see another side of the coin. I am poised to meet the wicked stranger. Over the years I have wept so often for having been rejected. It is such a deep, pulsating pain. I recalled a period in my adolescence when I would go into any town deliberately staring at shoppers to see whether any of them physically resembled me, just a fantasy!
Back to Wednesday this beautiful June day and how I could somehow reduce its importance. It was just another day insignificant to others. My personal unimportance asserted itself. The plan for the day had been formulated by my newly discovered half-sister, seven years my junior. She had been wonderful having been told of my existence lest another family member had done so. She had wrongly assumed however, that I had been a legitimate product of our mother's first seven-year marriage. Since we had both grown up as only children a newly found sister was an attractive and interesting proposition and she became the go between in arranging the "meeting". This meeting should have been at a neutral location between my mother and myself only. This was denied by my mother's present husband. My mother was in her late seventies and looking after an older, sickly husband in his eighties. He had not wanted me as a child. My contact had proved even more difficult, he viewed my motives with deep suspicion and forced my mother to make Wills immediately.
The train finally arrives at Reading. I alight and await my sister's arrival. We must search out lunch because the older folk's routine cannot be changed on my account. I am scheduled for 2 o'clock. I am still a pawn. Today is no exception. I must play the game to suit my natural mother. When I was a child, decisions were made for me and now she is elderly her needs take precedence. This is the way it has to be. I feel vulnerable, powerless, weak. I want to take a gift and look for fresh flowers. According to Valerie my sister, our mother likes vivid coloured blooms, but not red and white in combination which in this family represent blood and bandages. Perhaps appropriate on this blood red letter day. Taste-wise we are already miles apart. I essentially selected a delicate of soft cream and pastel blooms which I found beautiful. I guess there was a need to offer something with a expression of my personality.
The day is becoming hotter, we have eaten and still have time to fill so my sister thoughtfully drives me to a pretty garden type nursery. I put the soon-to-wilt flowers under her car continuing to make small talk and perspire as the anticipation inside becomes unbearable. At last, it is time to retrieve the flowers and drive to the family home. The journey was a few miles in pleasant Berkshire countryside and finally we stopped outside a pre-war semi-detached house. My mouth began to go dry, the tension welled up inside. Valerie switched off the engine. Suddenly as I followed her along the path, she rushed across the garden, calling anxiously to her father. He was attempting some energetic work which alarmed her as he had recently been hospitalised. I felt lost, stunned. I was a total stranger on a path leading to my mother's door. Valerie was tending compassionately to her father's needs. I was numb, hollow, an outsider, an alien. I felt dead inside.
The next thing I can remember was my mother coming to the front door. She showed no visible emotion. I may have given her a hug. Her husband suggested a need to freshen up and an exit to the bathroom seemed appropriate. I sat on the loo for a while wiping away the tears before returning to the sitting- room. The room faced North. The furniture was brown, the carpet seemed brown. The air hung heavily with pipe smoke. The armchair I was sitting on was amazing. Although not large in itself, there were two, huge, thick cushions on which one had to perch, meaning the if one was particularly short, one's feet would not reach the floor. It was a strange, unfamiliar chair. My mother was dressed in beige and brown which seemed to blend with the environment and despite the heat, sported thick stockings akin to Nora Batty.
She produced a few photographs from under a dresser and some silver-fish darted out from the yellowing pages.
Valerie had diplomatically left for a period, but her father did not allow us such privacy. I felt lost on this uncomfortable chair looking across this oppressive room. I was told about their difficulties during and after the war and the childhood of my sister. It transpired that we had both been to grammar school. Their daughter was exceptional in most respects. Indeed, it was not her fault that grandchildren had not been produced. Valerie resembled her father, so we were not alike facially or in build. My lightweight frame and even shoe size matched those of my mother. She suffered a variety of anxiety/panic attacks, something to which I could also relate. Her life seemed to have been particularly, but she seemed to find comfort in that.
When I was questioned by my mother's husband, I felt deep irritation and annoyance, particularly as he wanted to know what cars we drove and what job my spouse had. I changed the subject to trivial matters deliberately. It would soon be over. I made silly jokes and smiled inanely. Sandwiches were proffered with a cup of tea. It seemed unnerving, unnatural, and charged with uncomfortable innuendo. In a few private moments, my mother mentioned that she would like to meet her grandson. I did not reply. If anything was to be arranged, he would have to want it.
Valerie returned as it was time to take me back to the station. There was probably enormous relief for everyone. I still joked pathetically to my sister in her car but at the station sat on a bench again feeling bewildered and alone. I was so glad to be going home to my own family knowing that would cosset me, tease me and hug me. It was a warm, friendly home with my loved ones where I belonged.
The following week we were going to the States on holiday. It would be a good time for detachment and reflection. On returning home I sent some photos of our son as he grew up. My mother 'phoned to tell me she was really overjoyed to see these.
In October, less than four months after our meeting, the 'phone rang; it was my sister to say that our mother had collapsed, had been rushed hospital and had died within two hours. I was invited to the funeral. It was stressed that her father had particularly requested this and that I would be included in the family car. Instinct told me that I could not go. I would have wept hopelessly, not for the stranger being put to rest but for myself, my selfish self. I had so much wanted to be loved by her and that was never given. Strangely, since I saw my mother, I have no longer needed to cry. Perhaps at last the pain is diminishing and the hurt beginning to heal. The most positive gain was to meet my sister. She seemed so caring, but she probably found me, like siblings do so often, a pain in the backside!
Written by Sally, creative writing group 2